No. 0298

Buddhist Monks Protest Rising Gasoline Prices

April 20, 2005

BANGKOK (IFOC) - A group of Buddhist monks protested the skyrocketing price of gasoline in the middle of the Thai capital's busiest traffic circle by not lighting themselves on fire.

"We can no longer afford to buy gasoline for our protests," said Grand Master Kwan. "We've tried charcoal, but those Kingsford easy-light bags take a while to get started and we end up getting arrested. Don't even think about holding a protest with those on a windy day, either."

"Touching our flesh with matches we take from restaurant lobbies just doesn't have the same effect, since we are all impervious to worldly pains," said an unnamed disciple. "And stepping in front of a bus doesn't always work. We've got hallways filled with crippled and half-crushed monks now. Where's the protest in a moaning, crippled monk?

"The public is expecting a blazing monk to inspire them to revolt against injustice, and all we can manage is some smoking wadded-up newspapers. So we're just sitting here for now, burning up their high-priced gasoline as they honk their horns. May the Heavens hear their honks and deliver us from chaos."

Forced to adapt to modern realities, the monks are left with difficult choices. "We're down to mouth-siphoning from some random person's gas tank or using our many deadly combat skills to beat our enemies into submission," said Kwan. "I fear that the universe may be out of balance and harmony for a while as we deal with this financial crisis."

http://news.isfullofcrap.com/oldcrap/2005/04/buddhist_monks.html